is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
