I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i've created a new STD.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
