No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
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