I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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