i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
