Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
