That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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