i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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