I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
