We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
