it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
