is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
