that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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