i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
