Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
