it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
