I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
