I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
