Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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