idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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