just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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