Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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