Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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