3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're my little dorito
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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