New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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