No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
