I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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