I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
