Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
