So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
