I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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