that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
