i would punch a child for taco bell
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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