Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is Oprah even human
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He has the fingertips of a God
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
