well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
