Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
