I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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