You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
