she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
