yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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