Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
