Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
