Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I stole a fireplace last night.
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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