i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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