apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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