anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize