So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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