Cold hands, warm shart.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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