Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
