ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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