dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
