White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
