My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
