walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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