i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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