my phone needs a breathalizer
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
