btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
