i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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