dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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