I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
