Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
