Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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