I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
