Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
