I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
