You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
