i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
