totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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