I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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