Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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