If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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