he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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