It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
