Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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