I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
