yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
